The last two days were negative days for me and although I know very well that having them is a "no no". I guess sometimes there are going to be things going on that will affect me no matter what. Maybe, it's the concern over other people that are so closely involved with me and feeling selfish about involving them that causes it. The reality is that regardless of my situation life still happens to them too.
I was wondering if anyone can really understand what happens in your mind when you face this challenge. I mean after all I've known people facing bad things, felt empathy and yet did I really understand. I think not. After all how could I?
I had lunch with my son-in-law yesterday and obviously this situation was a topic of conversation. He was expressing his frustration that no one had a single cure for the disease that plague us humans. Why he wondered, if the single cells could be identified then why couldn't the treatment just kill it and leave everything else alone. I believe we both are so clueless about the complexity of the body that we can't understand.
If you understand the theory of "chemo" then you understand that this is a "treatment" for what exists not a "cure" for what has happened. The cocktail is literally poison attacking your body. As with any attack against an enemy there will be causalities on both sides. Your future once you have started, as with life, is predetermined by the results of the treatment. The cause requiring the treatment will still survive the attack because you see we don't know what causes it.
Given all of this "does anyone really understand" how we feel as the one at the center of the battle? Most of us survive to fight the war another day, sometimes long in to the future, I will be one to fight another day. I will win the battle today.
I can only ask that we all try to understand everyone's battles in life everyday. I will try not to have down days because I know they're a "waste of time" but I do really understand now what is going on in the mind of the "front line solders" in this war.
Be patient with me as we go and stay positive!
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